i was actually embarrassed to answer the question honestly.
i muttered: i don't have one.
jerome: i'm sorry? i didn't catch that.
under my breath: i'm unemployed.
jerome: ...oh.
i felt the compulsion to justify my employment situation with some sort of gutwrenching story. something about how i got laid off at the steel mill, have three kids to feed, my kidney's acting up again, and how this is just a temporary thing because my brother's gonna hook me up with some construction work this summer. without some back story to explain myself i knew the word 'unemployed' would conjure an image in jerome's head of me sitting on my couch in a wife-beater, with a six pack of bud light at my feet, a half-empty bag of cheetos on my chest, and jerry springer on the TV. i uttered the word and immediately felt dirty.
as i was on the road today, i got a tingle of excitement because i was fairly certain that whoopi goldberg was driving in the car ahead of me. i sped up to get alongside her and came to the disappointing reality of a black man with dreadlocks. a commoner. if i was thinking clearly, i would have realized that whoopi goldberg probably doesn't cruise around LA in a brown 1984 honda civic with rust covering the entire rear bumper.
speaking of cars. the license plates are crazy here! you're legally allowed to put symbols on your plates. you can insert a star, heart, cross, or child's handprint (creepy) anywhere on the plate. it's as if the state of california decided to model their licensing format after the souvenir shops in LAX. i took the liberty of creating my own dream plates:
the last two days my friend michelle was in town visiting. ehem. that's right. she came down to visit me. we were driving around because she insisted on seeing Rodeo Drive. we got lost and ended up at the ocean. that was actually the first time i saw the pacific ocean since my arrival. this may take you by surprise, but i'm not exactly what you would call a 'beach bum'. so we pulled up to this seafood restaurant. (side note: i was watching Entourage tonight and Turtle and Drama were at this exact same seafood place!) the place was packed and the only booth available was all the way in the back, facing the kitchen. it was extremely noisy; the wait staff was scampering around, yelling at the cooks, silverware clanking in the dishwasher, etc. Then I glanced up and noticed this lovely sign above our booth:
as if I needed the written confirmation. the waiter cheerfully bounced over to our table and informed us that because we were seated at this particular booth, we would get 30% off our meal. you may be thinking, "thirty percent? big whoop." that is, until you see the prices on the menu. We're lookin' at $30-$50 dishes; swordfish, ahi tuna steaks, lobster, a half-rack of humpback whale, etc. Afterwards we decided to order dessert.
the picture doesn't do it justice. lacking an actual tape measure, i estimated it as being at least 28 inches across. i'm no lumberjack, but it looked to me like redwood; enormous. this also happend to be one of those fancy-smancy places that wraps your to-go items in tin foil shaped like a swan or harpoon or whatever. our waiter decided to show off a bit and fashioned our mashed potatoes into an exact replica of E.T. All the neighboring tables were staring as he peeled off sheet after sheet of foil. Once he was finished, he actually took a bow and the restaurant broke into applause. I was going to do a little song and dance number to out-do him, but I simply ate too much cake and sourdough bread to partake in that kind of nonsense.
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