so last night i'm watching tv in my room and i see something out of the corner of my eye. curious, i get up and turn the light on. sprawled across my wall is the largest cockroach i have seen in my life. it was easily the size of a stapler; unholy. i panicked. our eyes locked.
in a split second decision i raced into the kitchen and grabbed a can of RAID. there was a picture of a spider on the front. would it work? i had to try, this was an emergency situation.
as i run to my bedroom, i'm recalling 'cockroach week' or some nonsense on the discovery channel. they could withstand a nuclear blast, live three weeks without their head, shoot lasers out of their antennae, etc. As I entered the room, RAID in hand, i heard a faint chuckle come from the wall. cocky roach. this mist of deadly toxin would probably just make him drunk for a couple hours.
i proceeded to unload the entire can on his outer shell. he eventually fell down behind my dresser. probably to take a nap and sleep it off.
that night i couldn't sleep for fear that he was going to crawl into my esophagus and cut off my air supply out of revenge. i was defenseless.
luckily, i made through through till morning. i crept into the bathroom to brush my teeth and i was presented with a little treat.
in a split second decision i raced into the kitchen and grabbed a can of RAID. there was a picture of a spider on the front. would it work? i had to try, this was an emergency situation.
as i run to my bedroom, i'm recalling 'cockroach week' or some nonsense on the discovery channel. they could withstand a nuclear blast, live three weeks without their head, shoot lasers out of their antennae, etc. As I entered the room, RAID in hand, i heard a faint chuckle come from the wall. cocky roach. this mist of deadly toxin would probably just make him drunk for a couple hours.
i proceeded to unload the entire can on his outer shell. he eventually fell down behind my dresser. probably to take a nap and sleep it off.
that night i couldn't sleep for fear that he was going to crawl into my esophagus and cut off my air supply out of revenge. i was defenseless.
luckily, i made through through till morning. i crept into the bathroom to brush my teeth and i was presented with a little treat.
who's chuckling now. i win.
to change the subject, i'd like to take a moment to rant. not necessarily funny, just things on my mind.
i'm really bothered by VISA commercials and have been for quite some time. there's always that one shot of the person sliding their VISA card through the machine at the checkout stand. as they slide it through, the card is upright so we can clearly see its VISA logo gliding past. the problem? if i can read the logo, that means the card is being slid through UPSIDE-DOWN! it's absurd! there is no magnetic strip on the bottom of the card.
i understand this may not make sense to you right now, but i implore you...watch for it. you'll see exactly what i'm talking about. (wink)
rant number two:
it irritates me when i meet a complete stranger and introduce myself as 'matthew' and then they take it upon themselves to refer to me as 'matt' in all future conversation. like we're casual all of the sudden.
they don't get to make that call! when i meet a 'charles' i don't say to myself, "you know, i don't really care for that name, i think i'll call you Larry". no! we're not friends.
you're charles, i'm matthew. have a nice day.
to change the subject, i'd like to take a moment to rant. not necessarily funny, just things on my mind.
i'm really bothered by VISA commercials and have been for quite some time. there's always that one shot of the person sliding their VISA card through the machine at the checkout stand. as they slide it through, the card is upright so we can clearly see its VISA logo gliding past. the problem? if i can read the logo, that means the card is being slid through UPSIDE-DOWN! it's absurd! there is no magnetic strip on the bottom of the card.
i understand this may not make sense to you right now, but i implore you...watch for it. you'll see exactly what i'm talking about. (wink)
rant number two:
it irritates me when i meet a complete stranger and introduce myself as 'matthew' and then they take it upon themselves to refer to me as 'matt' in all future conversation. like we're casual all of the sudden.
they don't get to make that call! when i meet a 'charles' i don't say to myself, "you know, i don't really care for that name, i think i'll call you Larry". no! we're not friends.
you're charles, i'm matthew. have a nice day.
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