tax evasion, california, and the driving vest

my california state tax refund is now nearly one month late. the reason? after some online research i learned that california has no money.

i'll let that marinate for a moment.

they literally don't have the money to pay anyone their refunds. the fact is, if california were a country it would be the tenth largest economy in the WORLD. i'll do the math for you; that's more than ireland, tennessee, and the entire russian empire...combined. and they can't scratch together my $257. they're like that deadbeat friend who owes you money and ignores all your phone calls. until that one day you finally bump into them on the cereal aisle at the supermarket and they awkwardly avoid eye contact while mumbling, "i'll catch you next week because i'm kinda going through a rough patch in my life". i feel like i'm living in communist cuba where they'll cut me with a check for the half the amount owed, and the remainder will be repaid in tobacco leaves and a loaf of bread.
______

allow me to switch gears and introduce you to a ridiculous invention called the 'driving vest'.

allow me to explain. you purchase this handsome vest for $17.95 and before you enter your vehicle, you are to place it on your torso (with ultra high-fashion velcro strips!) in order to protect your critical chestal area from any potential spills that may occur while in the car. the website claims that the fabric is made of "fashionable twill". i'm pretty sure twill hasn't been popular since looms were a common household object.

look, i understand accidents happen. but. how many people out there would place themselves into the 'habitual spillers' category? and if it's really that much of a problem, why don't they save some money and just place a large blue tarp and cover all critical areas of their wardrobe while driving to and from work?

applying make-up, eating a toasted bagel with peanut butter, crossing three lanes, and enjoying your grande skinny white chocolate mocha at the same? not a problem! let the crumbs/scorching liquid fall where it may! our vest will protect your valuable fabric/flesh!

unless people are off-roading in a monster truck on their commute to work each morning, this article of clothing is totally unnecessary. i'm sure it was developed by the same people who make their children wear helmets and leashes when out in public. get a bib.