i accidently bought the wrong chapstick.
let's just start off by saying i recently discovered burt's beeswax. the wax and i have created a special bond; very similar to the unique relationship between a soccer mom and meth. normally i just stick to the straight-up no-nonsense variety and that suits my needs just fine. a couple of weeks ago i found myself with the honey-flavored variety. close enough. i muddled my way through it as best i could, nobody needs to know.
then came tonight's little treat. as i looked at it's box, i realized i had accidentally grabbed the pomegranate flavor. same thing, right? hardly.
after it's application, i found myself staring into the mirror. in fact, i couldn't stop. i was mesmerized by the enchanting pomegranate scent wafting into my nose while simultaneously disgusted at my resembling a hybrid of the cat lady next door and a drag queen from west hollywood. my initial reaction was to wipe it off in disgust. however, i decided to let it linger on my lips...just for a moment - before re-masculinizing myself by drizzling scotch over my mouth and lighting the whole mess on fire. with red wax now dripping from my chin, i threw the remnants into the trash and called it a night.
pomegranate is one of those culinary quirks that suddenly appears out of nowhere; like chipotle or ciabatta bread. and once it does, EVERYONE scrambles to carry it on their shelves. it seems like it was about three years ago when pomegranate snuck onto the scene in the U.S. it started out as one of those ultra expensive 'health-nut' juices that nobody cared about. but before long it had infused itself into our apple juice, lotions, green tea, martinis, and my chapstick of choice.
what does pomegranate even taste like? can the average american even identify it? because to me it just seems like a giant marketing ploy. i wanna do a blindfold test. banana flavor? got it. vanilla? child's play. orange? practically my brother.
but, pomegranate? what is it...a strawberry? mixed with lime? i don't get it. all i know is that i don't want it in my chapstick or rubbed on my ciabatta.
let's just start off by saying i recently discovered burt's beeswax. the wax and i have created a special bond; very similar to the unique relationship between a soccer mom and meth. normally i just stick to the straight-up no-nonsense variety and that suits my needs just fine. a couple of weeks ago i found myself with the honey-flavored variety. close enough. i muddled my way through it as best i could, nobody needs to know.
then came tonight's little treat. as i looked at it's box, i realized i had accidentally grabbed the pomegranate flavor. same thing, right? hardly.
after it's application, i found myself staring into the mirror. in fact, i couldn't stop. i was mesmerized by the enchanting pomegranate scent wafting into my nose while simultaneously disgusted at my resembling a hybrid of the cat lady next door and a drag queen from west hollywood. my initial reaction was to wipe it off in disgust. however, i decided to let it linger on my lips...just for a moment - before re-masculinizing myself by drizzling scotch over my mouth and lighting the whole mess on fire. with red wax now dripping from my chin, i threw the remnants into the trash and called it a night.
pomegranate is one of those culinary quirks that suddenly appears out of nowhere; like chipotle or ciabatta bread. and once it does, EVERYONE scrambles to carry it on their shelves. it seems like it was about three years ago when pomegranate snuck onto the scene in the U.S. it started out as one of those ultra expensive 'health-nut' juices that nobody cared about. but before long it had infused itself into our apple juice, lotions, green tea, martinis, and my chapstick of choice.
what does pomegranate even taste like? can the average american even identify it? because to me it just seems like a giant marketing ploy. i wanna do a blindfold test. banana flavor? got it. vanilla? child's play. orange? practically my brother.
but, pomegranate? what is it...a strawberry? mixed with lime? i don't get it. all i know is that i don't want it in my chapstick or rubbed on my ciabatta.
1 comment:
the picture of your lips is the creepiest thing I have seen in a while. I would blow that picture up and staple it to your door to keep out spiders, gangsters and the sun.
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