some people find themselves addicted to methamphetamine, while others select speed balls as their addiction of choice. my deepest, darkest, nerdiest secret is that i'm addicted to wikipedia.
a healthy "oh, i wonder who our 13th president was?" quickly transforms into reading Millard Fillmore's entire biography (along with those of his two wives) - eventually ushering me into a glossy-eyed, six hour marathon of pond-jumping from topic to topic.
Millard Fillmore leads me to the Bathtub Hoax,
which leads me to H.L. Mencken,
which leads me to the Bolsheviks,
which leads me to Tuberculosis,
which leads me to Lacto Vegetarianism...
...and on into perpetuity. anytime i hear or see something i know nothing about, it's time for a wiki fix.
founder of Carl's Jr.?
medical uses of the zebrafish?
recipients of the medal of honor?
largest freshwater lake?
1962 world's fair?
scoville units and the naga jolokia?
i drink it all up like sweet nectar.
for instance, my dear dear friend Tyler Rhoades mentioned Muammar al-Gaddafi in his blog. within four seconds i had Gaddafi's face up on my screen and was pouring over every aspect of his childhood and eventual overthrow of the Lybian goverment (singlehandedly done at the age of 9 with a rusty switchblade and a camel named Jack).
thanks to wikipedia's icy grip on my life i haven't written a new blog in awhile. truth be told; i haven't been to work in eight weeks, my fingernails are Howard Hughesian, and i've taken to peeing into mason jars so as not to venture too far from my computer screen.
a nice pair of gloves, a little beard trim, and i'll be ready for my debut on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.
ps. for those of you wondering, Regis' middle name is Francis Xavier.
3 comments:
You son of a bitch...now I have to go look up each of those damn questions you posed.
You'll pay for this Owens. In fact, you'll pay right now, since you're going to have to suffer through my discovery process.
Recently deceased Carl Karcher looked like my grandfather, when both of them were alive. I wonder if that similarity carried into the grave...?
Zebrafish...model genetic make-up...also model astronaut material, apparently.
I actually bought a book on Medal of Honor award winners in high school...so I'll leave that one be.
So...the largest freshwater (by volume) is also the deepest in the world. Makes sense.
Ah, that question was just to see if I'd been paying attention. Sneaky. I miss those exhibits in world fairs where you could look at how the poor 3rd world "stupid savages" live. And poke them with sticks.
Didn't I remember hearing something about you really liking spicy food? Somewhere? Maybe I dreamed that...
Furthermore, I believe we need to revive the Know Nothing party...to keep those filthy Irish Catholics out of this great country.
Aw great...that little bit led me to Daniel Day Lewis, then to Mohicans, then Mohawks, then the Oka Crisis, then the Van Doo's. Fricking Wikipedia...
Haven't worked in eight weeks? On writing or even in the literal sense?
Wikipedia is addicting but you should write more blogs!!! Any new modifications to your script? What about the group of authors you were meeting up with? Alright, House is on so I must be off but I hope there is another blog soon.
Hey Matt,
It's Kevin Weil, from way back in your past :) It's fun keeping up on what you're up to with your blog!
You've gotta check out http://xkcd.com/214/.
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