i was late for work and hopped in my car. a lovely chime reminded me that i was low on gas. i was on empty yesterday as well, figuring i'll do it tomorrow. well tomorrow was here and i was late for work. mental note: tomorrow you need to stop procrastinating.
i pull into the gas station, jump out, and clasp the pump with white knuckles. can't this thing go any faster? it was then that i heard obnoxious shouting four pumps over. "hey! you! excuse me!" it's probably just a scuffle. just ignore it. it'll go away. we're almost done here.
"sir! excuse me, sir! hello?" will somebody please just answer this nutjob.
"excuse me! you with the jetta!" oh. i guess that would be me. wonderful.
i slowly turn my head around and see a disheveled woman hobbling towards me. i immediately begin concocting escape scenarios. if i spray her in the face with the gasoline, that will spare me a few seconds to hop in my car and speed away before she has a chance to draw a gun on me. mental note: start carrying a lighter with you at all times.
"excuse me! i only have $3 and have to get to cerritos to [meet my meet drug dealer]. can you help me out?" behind the safety of my sunglasses i roll my eyes and scream internally.
i respond, "i don't have any cash. sorry."
she retorts, "oh that's okay. i'll just pull my car up behind yours and you can use your card."
oh. can i?
i explain to her that i'm in a hurry and late for work and apologized for not being able to help her out. not to mention the fact that this particular pump was $3.87/gallon.
she walks away. my feelings of guilt are overridden by the sense that she's trying to pull a fast one on me. i continue to pump my gas. i casually turn my head to make sure she's not sneaking up on me and see that she has now positioned her car directly behind mine. she rolls down the window and her gravel voice tells me that anything would help. she thanks me and rolls up the window.
did we just have two different conversations? and she wants me to pump the gas for her? looks like i won't be filling up my tank today. i release the pump and make my way to her car. she flashes a toothless grin and waves. cute.
i unscrew her filthy gas-cap and begin filling her tank. now what? is $5 too cheap? is $20 too much? as the numerals scroll past five bucks i see that it's like 1/18th of a gallon. too cheap. i keep rolling.
finally at $12.82 i release the pump. i'm late for work and she's sheisted enough out of me. i slam the pump back into it's holster and offer a weak smile. she hoarsely shouts "thank you, sir!" and i head to red lobster; determined to make an extra $12.82 in tips that night.
